Why you shouldn't compare yourself to others - do your own thing!

Ok, be honest—have you ever found yourself feeling worse as you scroll through social media? Do you constantly compare yourself to other people or artists and measure yourself against their success?

In this article, I'll show you exactly why this is insanely toxic and how you can stop it right now. Plus, you'll learn alternative strategies and mindsets to increase your complacency and confidently do your own thing. Ready? Let's go!

Why it's toxic to compare yourself to others

In the age of social media, we constantly get to see what great things other people are doing on YouTube and Instagram, for example. And social media isn't all bad—in fact, it's great that nowadays you can market yourself and create reach independently. Digital music marketing gives musicians more opportunities to build a fan base and become successful as a result. But there's an unfortunate flip-side to that coin, and it can have a very negative impact on your self-worth.

When not to compare yourself to others - watch for these signs

It becomes negative when you feel bad in comparison with others, and start to doubt yourself more and more. Maybe you see successful people everywhere—the same age, or even younger than you—and you have the feeling that you have not made "more" of your life? Perhaps you also feel guilty about having "failed" in comparison to others? Shame, self-reproach, and a harsh treatment of yourself are also clear signs that you urgently need to change something.

What you can do right now to stop comparing yourself to others

If something like this happens to you, take a break from such external impressions. Keep in mind that social media only gives you a distorted view of other realities in life. Be aware that people often only share their successes with others—unpleasant moments are often swept under the rug, not to be discussed.

Move away from this deficit view and focus on what you have already achieved. Measured against yourself, every small step in the desired direction is a success. You can continue to build on that! And remember that your value as a human being does not depend on your professional or artistic performance anyway.

What you can do in the long run to stop comparing yourself to others

Now you've got some ideas you can immediately put into practice to start on the path to feeling better. To make the whole thing a little more sustainable, I would now like to give you some effective, long-term tips and suggestions. They can help you to develop a sustainable, healthy attitude towards yourself—independent of your artistic success compared to others.

Tip 1: Realize that you don't have to earn appreciation.

"Success, recognition, or love must be earned." Depending on the environment in which we live, we grow up with such expressed or exemplified beliefs, or are subtly confronted with them in different areas of life. But even if such ideas can sometimes have a motivating effect, at their core they have destructive potential.

This says that you first have to achieve something in order to be recognized, valued, or loved by others—and also by yourself. Conversely, this means: "If you're doing badly, you don't deserve any better." Or even: "You don't deserve it any other way, you just haven't done enough". Sorry, but this is complete bullshit, which simply comes from the capitalist mindset. You are allowed to treat yourself with appreciation, regardless of what you are currently achieving. Therefore, allow yourself regular time-outs and do things for yourself that are good for you and provide you with new energy, regardless of your success.

But does this mean that you have to say goodbye to every endeavor for success? No, it doesn't. First of all, it's simply a matter of decoupling self-worth and performance from one another and viewing them as independent factors. If you want to be successful in a certain area of life, that's perfectly fine in and of itself. But to give your plan a solid foundation, you should ask yourself the following question:

Tip 2: Ask yourself what success means to you

Let's be honest: For many, success means achieving a certain degree of fame, which—according to some idealized images—can be seen in high follower numbers on YouTube, Instagram or Spotify. Often, this ideal of success is also linked to a young age.

However, we should not forget the following: Success does not depend solely on one's own performance, but often also on factors outside one's own sphere of influence. Moreover, it is generally not advisable to make one's own value dependent on the affirmation of others.

Instead, you could think about what actually constitutes success for you. Is it getting to do what fills you with joy and gratitude? Is it making a decent living from what you do, maybe even from your music? Is it that you want to live a secure and stable life and be a loving parent to your children? Feel free to take a moment and write down how you would define success for yourself.

For example, one possible definition might be, "Success for me is having fulfilling relationships with others and being engaged in meaningful things." With your definition of success in mind, let's now take a look at the next frequently mentioned "success factor": young age.

Tip 3: Timing—Free yourself from the idea that everything has to happen in the first quarter of life.

Musicians like Billie Eilish, Lil Nas X, and Demi Lovato have one thing in common: they all became world-famous pop stars before the age of 20. Anyone who aspires to a music career and is already a bit older can quickly feel left behind in such a comparison.

It can help immensely to free oneself from such limiting expectations and comparisons. Musical success doesn't have to happen by the age of 20 or even 30. You have an average life expectancy of 80 years, and you can decide for yourself when, how, and for what you want to use your time.

Perhaps you also have children, care for relatives, or there are other areas of your life which simply have a higher priority at the moment? If so, I would like to encourage you to look for role models who became "successful" later in life—in a way that matches your own definition of success.

Tip 4: Do your own thing

So instead of constantly comparing yourself to others and measuring yourself against their standards, you can do the following: look at your own situation and develop a benevolent, positive attitude towards yourself. What is your definition of success, what are your personal desires and goals? And how can you realize them in the long term within your own framework?

If you still need some support to set your individual goal and make it achievable for you, feel free to check out this article.

In case you find yourself comparing with others again

Finally, an all-clear in case you "catch" yourself comparing yourself to others again in the future: Comparisons are fine. They are a natural part of being human and can also be very useful and inspiring. The only time you should be careful is when you notice that a comparison is having a negative effect on you. But in such a case, you already know how to handle it well.

Did this article make you want to network with other musicians from your area? Then take a look here on mukken.

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